I WUZ SLIMED

My day started off great. Had breakfast then checked out Baby's fluid levels and took off for T Town. It's about 115 miles from my house to where Les lives up there. I was making good time on the highway going at my usual cruise speed and hit a "bump" after that the front end would get the wobbles around 80 to 85 MPH. That slowed me down... I usually cruise in that range. The bump messed up the fall-away on my front end I found out when I got home.

Any how I digress... I got to Les's place having avoided a ticket from OK's finest (they were checking for seat belt violations at the midway toll plaza not patrolling like good little speed Nazi's) After meeting Les's wife and getting Layla out we rode up to Collinsville to check out the Bike Pulls. Only in Oklahoma would someone think of hooking a motorcycle to a weight sled like those used for tractor pulls!

So there we were at the Bike Pulls, Les and yers truly. Apparently somebody forgot to get anybody to enter so they had a couple of "exhibition" pulls for our sakes. (Seeing as how "we" rode all the way From OKC. to see the pulls). Well after they ran and when we were getting ready to leave (again) there was Baby with what looked like a small drip of oil dripping of the front near the filter housing.

Well We rode back to Les's house having to stop for an emergency bolt transplant on Layla. She had rejected the original one holding her oil tank in place thereby causing it to fall from it's mount on the highway. Les performed this quick fix by robbing a bolt from a fender strut.

I left Tulsa heading back to OKC, and kept feeling something wet and sticky hitting me every so often The further I rode the worse it got. When I finally got home the small leak looked like a major one. Well I put Baby in the garage for the night figuring I would fix it the next day.

The next morning I open the garage door and there was Baby all covered in slime! The horror! Apparently they even did it on church property! These must have been Nuclear Mutated Slugs because they glowed green and could sing. They were all over her squirming around while I rolled her out into the driveway. Baby was covered in a glowing green film of slime 3 or 4 inches deep! Picture Here

As I rolled her out they dropped off and they were all oozing away from my bike towards cover into the dark corners of my garage.
all singing this song...

"I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little had changed
I am the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I am the best you can get
Have you guessed me Clyde?
I am the slime oozin' off
of your Dyna Glide!

You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't got for help...no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold

That's right, folks..
Don't touch that dial

Well, I am the slime from your Dyna Glide
Oozin' along on your garage floor

I am the slime from your Dyna Glide
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me slide"

Then as I blinked in amazement the little Fuckers disappeared!
Was this a hallucination? I think not.
There was slug juice everywhere! Every inch of Baby was covered in the stuff!
Methinks the little SOB's worked for the MoCo.

However thru intense experimentation I managed to
find out some interesting properties of slug juice.

Here's the top 12 with a hidden message

1) Often improves gas mileage (bike must "slip" through the air easier)
2) Makes a great sunburn soother! (Better than any damned aloe vera)
3) You can eat all you want. (ZERO calories!)
4) Good hair gel (Hair wasn't all tangled when I got home)
5) An Excellent mosquito repellant too!
6) Will knock .02 second off 1/4 mile times at the dragstrip.
7) Doesn't stain your clothes like cheaper imported escargot.
8) Some kinda lubricant! (Better than PTFE as an oil additive)
9) Likely to be an even better hand cleaner than Gunk.
10) Unlikely to be mass marketed. (we can corner the market!)
11) Greatly underrated as an aphrodisiac! (better than Spanish Fly)
12) Some fantastic bug remover! (Actually they don't stick when they hit)